You’ve just been asked THE biggest and most important question of your life and you answered, “YES!” OK, now what. Now you call all of your BFFs and your cousins and your long-lost college roommate, and oh yes! Don’t forget to call Mom. But before you do, you quickly turn to him and say, “You did ask my dad, right?” Then, it happens. Right then and there your entire life revolves around one day. One eight to ten hour day. Nothing else matters and everything is planned based on that day. Even before you have set a day, sent save-the-dates, before you know the season in which you will say “I do”, your life is only about THE WEDDING! The dress, the flowers, the ever-loving cake (my God I love the cake), the seating plan, the escort cards, the DJ (I hope he doesn’t do the chicken dance… but people like the chicken dance, ugh…), decisions, decisions.
It’s natural. Your mom has looked forward to the day you’d be wearing that fitting, I mean, fitted white dress walking down the aisle on your daddy’s arm while he is dreading every step and wishing with each one that he could go back 2 years- his little girl just grew up too fast. You have been dreaming of this day since you played with the first bridal Barbie you were given as a hand-me-down. You’ve attended weddings and thought, “My wedding will be just like this (or better)” or “How did she do all this!” or “Kids and a chocolate fountain just do not mix.” (They don’t. They really don’t.)
I fear that what gets lost in the planning of the Big Day is the marriage that’ll follow every day after. Some people take advantage of marriage counseling and some religions even require it before the marriage vows can be spoken. I whole-heartedly support these programs but I don’t think that enough people seek them out unless they are mandated to do so.
I married my very best friend and although we do the business side of marriage pretty well (if I do say so myself), there have been struggles. You have to learn who you are in order to be the best you can be for your spouse. He deserves nothing less, especially if he’s giving you the best of him. Luckily, we had some really good role models and we were/are truly invested in each other. But there are things like learning to say you’re sorry and really mean it that can make or break a marriage. There are little pieces of info that are important to pass along to one another like the cell phone has to be paid every 30 days or they’ll shut you off (they’ll really let you slide with 50-75, don’t ask, it wasn’t MY fault, I swear). Anyway.
Who cares if you shared the perfect wedding day, if the marriage doesn’t last? PRIORITIZE! It’s always the first thing I tell my brides. Let me focus on the wedding while you focus on your marriage. It’s a pretty good game plan. Believe me, your planner will include you on all of the fun decisions. Nothing is out of your control. You just have the much more important task of becoming someone’s life partner. We’ll handle the first 8-10 hours.